(Criminal Justice Major, or do we need to issue flyers around the neighborhood?)

               Randi's Top Ten List of Wtf Survival Horror Moments!
                                   Submitted by- Randi Drew
 Many of you who have been playing as long as I have, or maybe even longer have a small list of moments that simply defy logic! These moments not only defy rational thought, but often leave you alone in the dark ( :P ) wondering: “Who the fuck thought of this??!” And “Could they possibly be more high?” I have a good size list of these, most of which are from Silent Hill, a crowd pleasing favorite, and I think, where do you all come up with this stuff? (The Japanese game developer in my head bows to me with a goofy grin and says “It's a gift.” Ok. Whatever..) So, for your reading pleasure, I have composed a small list of some of my mind boggling moments of survival horror gaming! Bwhahahahahahaha! X'D 

   Bio-shock- Lemme just say I had so much fun with this game. Undersea mutants a go-go! I love it! One moment that strikes out with me is during your initial induction into the would of Rapture, you hear a woman singing in eerie lullaby, which would almost be serene if you were in a home or someplace normal. But no, you are in Rapture, which is definitely not normal. So you stalk along silently, weapon in hand, and you are expecting a trap. The woman stops singing suddenly and takes off leaving the defenseless baby carriage alone, but wait, further inspection decrees, that this is no baby, but a...Dolly?? This event is one of the more normal mutant activities of Rapture.

 (Domestic life in Rapture)

       Siren- Ohhh yes. Siren. There is so much cultural Wtf in here I am not even sure where to begin. I will say the worst one, and one I rant about most often, and even during sleep, would be during the very beginning of Siren. While you play a small cast of characters, the young man who interrupts the opening ceremony takes the cake. I know I might offend some by saying this, but this character is functionally retarded. I underline this point, but let me elaborate. This guy is being chased by a cop (who is obviously a Shibito), he tries to get away in a non-violent fashion, which utterly fails, and ends up hitting a cop with a small truck. What is unfathomable, is that after INTENTIONALLY hitting the cop with a vehicle, he stops the car (defying all logic), and gets out to see if the cop is okay!!? SERIOUSLY????! What's is wrong with you? Then, after noticing the cop is semi-breathing, he actually turns his back to look in a direction that has nothing to do with what's going on, meanwhile the cop gets up and pushes him off of a cliff. This will later be featured in a list of how to die within the first five minutes of a game! ;) (3:34 minutes in you get to see the deal with the cop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K4JgVgnWb4&feature=PlayList&p=EB51BD5DE8F24BF4&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=14 )

(This guy may look like he is firing on all 8 cylinders but he's not..In fact, while that guy he just hit is getting up to kill him, he is thinking about cup cakes. *3* )
     Silent Hill 2- Pyramid Head rapes nurses (and apparently does Dallas :O ) This has somewhat of an explanation, taking into account that the monsters of Silent Hill are manifestations of the psyche. James Sutherland walks into an apartment only to find Pyramid Head coming between two nurses who are getting it on. He prys them apart and starts raping a nurse. Meanwhile, James is hiding in the closet watching the drama unfold and praying he isn't found out. Could Pyramid Head be a manifestation on James' resentment and suppressed violence at his wife, Mary? Who knows. All I know is that I was not expecting this, also this reconfirms the belief that I often don't know whether I want to kill or have sex with some of Silent Hill's denizens. O_O Youtube has evidence of this... 

    Alone in the Dark (1990's)- Most of my gripe, is with the easy to kill but not kill-able monsters, and the death prone, Edward Carnaby. There is a section of the game where you walk into a garden area, like a Solarium. If you approach or stand next to a specific bush, it will trigger an event causing spiders to pour out. Now you can stomp on these creatures, you can crush them with your feet, and they just won't die, in fact, they don't die, you die! What the hell is that about!? 

(Everything in this house will fucking kill you, that unassuming bush? Yep, the spiders in it want to rape your corpse.)
 Silent Hill- Enter a random feline. This was odd and disturbing. I still have no idea why they put this in. Was it to prevay cruelty on Harry Mason's part? Or the town's folk of Silent Hill? I have NO IDEA.There is a part where Harry is exploring the school and comes upon a locker room. Harry opens a locker and a RANDOM CAT jumps out. The cat walks out of the locker room and promptly gets eaten by something outside. Hrrrm?! At this point I wonder, what does this have to do with the story? Is it for mood? * shrugs * No idea. No matter how much I have re-played this game I have never figured this out. Maybe a developer really really hated cats? (you can watch it here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KdOnnaypxc )

      Resident Evil 3- What I wanna know..is who the fuck fights zombies in a tube top?! After the first two games, Jill Valentine should expect that she will be dealing with zombies. So, why is she dressed as a go-go dancer? Beats me. It is a cool out fit, but considering that she is fighting the undead, and that the virus spread through insect, and rat bites, why would you show leg? You don't need to be hot to get zombie action at this point Jill, they are only into you for your brains! 

 (Forget that combat armor, pants and that nerdy hat..Go-go boots are where it's at! :P)


 Silent Hill 3- Heather don't go into the light!!!! LOL When Heather is at Silent Hill's amusement park, she gets locked into a Haunted House Ride, complete with creepy narrator to guide you through. The jist of it is Heather running away from the light. What is it with the light? Well, my therory is that it is a common metaphor for not crossing over. Silent Hill is full of stuff like that. Hidden psychological messages of deep rooted issues and add-ins of Heaven and Hell (but mostly Hell). It reminds me of that part of Poltergeist- “Ruuun away from the liiight Carol-Anne!” :P Also, what the hell is it with the randomly creepy bunnies!?

 (Has an urge to sing "It's a Small Word." Hrmmm)

     Resident Evil- Barry Burton... Oh dear God.. How is this mother fucker alive?? I still wake up a night and randomly think that. Okay, so he is a step above the kid in Siren, but even his lines are very close in consistency to Rain Man. He almost gets Jill killed a few times, with either negligence or suggestion. The paratrooper that flies the helicopter (obviously smarter) dies horribly, but Barry lives on...It's not like I don't like Barry Burton, he cracks me up, but again, HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE?! I guess they had to have someone provide not only comic relief but lock picks, which Jill the master of unlocking things can obviously use. X'D

    Left4Dead- All I can say is Zombie antics! If these guys are unaware of you, they will actually do stuff that is utterly hilarious! Like barf on each other, and fight! ZOMBIE FIGHT! :D You can also watch it in the in game screen, where you start the game! Let it run! You will be surprised at some of the things they do! :)

    Resident Evil 5- Okay this happened last weekend. :P I got the game for my birthday and finally got to play with my friend.. Well, we are holed up in a house, near the beginning, watching an angry mob of Las Plagas, or whatever they are now called, zomboids..Anyway, a mother fucker on a platform with sunglasses (He looks like Zombie Kanye West) SEES US THROUGH A FITHY WINDOW THROUGH A CROWD OF RAGING ZOMBIES?! What the hell!!! I know this is a trigger event but come on? You are telling me this asshole is as eagle-eyed as Sniper from Team Fortress? Oh fuck no! Thankfully though, when you are fighting the hordes of them, you have a chance to get revenge on Kanye! :) Hope your stunner shades are bullet proof, asshole!

( "Lemme interupt yah for jus' a second." )
          Hope you found some of this as laughable as I did. I had an interesting time composing a list of some of my more memorable moments. I am sure you have them too. Maybe some of ours are the same, who knows! Do you have any moments of gameplay where rational thought eludes you? I am sure right? Let me know, I would love to hear it. 

 In the words of the immortal Red Green- “I'm routing for you, we are all in this one together.” X'D